My daughter’s soft-armed soy-chugging liberal boyfriend came with her this morning to our family Christmas. As he walked in out house he shreiked at the sight of the CROSS in our foyer and nearly died when he saw the FLAG of our great country front and center in our living room. Beside it is a portrait of the greatest President, number 45, TRUMP! When he saw that, Lord, his face contorted like the demons of COMMUNISM were trying to escape his body. I jumped up and grabbed my gun and the BIBLE and yelled at my wife to grab some bacon grease from the larder.

I planted his beta cuck ass right on the floor next to the CHRISTMAS tree and told him it was time for his education, because he couldn’t hide behind HILLARY and her Muslim buddies anymore. I forced the barrel of .45 into his sunken chest and gently touched the side of my face with my Bible. He shrunk away as if it burned his socialist skin. “Just as I thought!” I hollered. “Open your mouth, you snivelling maggot!” He shook as he did so, and I placed a dab of bacon grease on his tongue to draw the spirit of ISLAM outta him. He grimaced and yelled, “But I’m Vegan!” as if my red-blooded ass gave two shits. I placed my gun to his temple and demanded he revoke his oath of LIBERALISM. “Say it! Say it you lousy tool of Soros!” I yelled as he shrunk beneath me. My daughter cowered in the corner, crying in her hands. “Merry CHRISTMAS!” He finally screamed, and at that moment a green smoke raised from his body and dissipated. A few seconds later he got up, a different, changed man. His hair was short, his beard was trimmed, his muscles showed through his shirt, and the skin on his face was rough and un-moisturized. He thank me for saving him from the clutches of SOROS and allowing him to say MERRY CHRISTMAS again. “Don’t thank me, son,” I said, pointing to the portrait on the wall, “thank the man that made it possible!”