TIFU by shredding my butthole

Obligatory this happened a few hours ago. I am also a (straight) male if that matters.

To start with some context, I had been having a few stomach aches in the past few days, but today was exceptionally vivid. I had to relieve myself, so I went to the bathroom, a perfectly sensible and logical solution.

I sat down, and instantly I knew. I knew that I might not get out of this alive.

One of my fears since I was a kid was a situation where I could no longer physically poop, where the poop itself would have been too massive to even breach my pitiful anus. Today was that nightmare. I steadily began pushing, carefully analyzing the feces’ size. It was a behemoth of a mythological size worthy of a legend. My stomach cramp grew stronger. I had to relieve myself, and at once.

Lo and behold, I felt my anus stretch in ways that shouldn’t be possible. I feared for my butt and in panic, I immediately started pushing with all my might. The rectal elastic expanded in an orchestra of pain and suffering. The violins grating my anus’ lips and the oboes chanting my misery. The mighty poo foricbly accelerated out of my butthole. I felt a sting, more powerful than any wasp, traversing my body. My legs were shaking, my soul quavering, my will defeated. Pain resonated as my body secreted gallons of sweat. The pain did not stop and rather transformed into a throbbing, burning sensation. Something did not go according to plan.

I mustered the courage, folded 3 squares of toilet paper, and wiped away whatever remained of the aftermath. Blood. Not good. What was supposed to be a soft and gentle toilet paper felt like alchool rubbing a fresh wound. For every wipe, I hissed like a snake, staining the tissue with red. I had to go to the bathrooms a few times after in fear that my butthole started bleeding again. My butt still stings and I hope it heals fast enough until my next defecation.

According to google, the anus can stretched up to 7 inches in diameter, but turns out it needs a bit of time to reach that length. A quick expansion will tear your asshole, shaking your will to live. I am now afraid to go poop again, and await the moment with anxiety.

TL;DR: I had a bad stomach ache, went to the bathroom to relieve myself, and instead found a netherworld of pain and blood as I teared my butthole from a humongous feces.