Okay, listen because I know this sounds ridiculous.
The other night at around 10:32 pm, I was drunk and at a party. You see, me and my friends were playing truth or dare. Y’know, that one game where you were dared to show your fat shlong to your friends in front of your parents? That game? Well, that night one of my friends, Dave, dared me to stick a soldering iron into my urethra. Easy, I thought. So, I went into the garage, found my dad’s old soldering iron, and stuck it in there. However, one crucial blunder of mine was that I did not know that it was plugged in. Big mistake. As my friends gathered around to see what I had done, one of them stepped on the power switch. Almost instantly, the soldering iron scalded my urethra, instantly burning it and sending searing pain throughout my body. I cried out loud, I admit, and yanked out the soldering iron, with the hot tip burning everything it touched. I ran outside and jumped into the cold swimming pool, trying to end the pain. However, this did not work, as I continued to cry and scream at the blistering pain. Eventually, I could not endure it any longer, as I took myself to the emergency room. There, the doctors were mystified at what I had done, and as I told them my story, they laughed and cried. They gave me high dose morphine, and advised me not to do any similar stunt again, and they also referred me to a burn specialist where I am currently waiting. Don’t be stupid like me.