Hello everyone, as you know Minions are the small, hilarious and lovable characters from the hit movie franchise Despicable Me and their standalone films, Minions. Today we answer an important question… what exactly is a Minion?

Let’s start by figuring out what gender Minions are. Unfortunately, the movies, lore, comics, and video games never specify genders or sexes of the Minions. Most appear to be male however. This evidence is strengthened by the fact that many Minions have assigned names such as “Kevin”, “Carl”, or “Bob”. On top of the fact that non of the Minions have female names, it is safe to assume that Minions are at the very least male centered. It should be noted that some Minions have been observed dressing in feminine clothing which may indicate trans tendencies or at the very least cross dressing. There are also pervasive theories that suggest that Minions are in fact, Hermaphroditic, potentially processing both male and female genitalia. It is stated in one of the Minions Extras that all Minions arose from a single strand of dna. This could potentially point to their gender although there is no further evidence. This also raises questions as to wether Minions were intentionally genetically bred for sexual satisfaction.

Given that Minions are anthropomorphic in appearance, we can assume their body structure -although strange- may resemble that of a humans. Minions are approximately 3.0-3.75 feet tall according to lore. There is no evidence to support that Minions are any more or less dense per pound than humans. Assuming this, and using the average weight of a human child of the same height, we can surmise that the average minion weighs anywhere from 38-50 pounds. (17-22 kilograms). Being somewhat round and cohesive is structure, they are easily picked up or manipulated by an average adult. This would make moving a Minion around or picking them up during intercourse fairly easy.

Most Minions are fairly featureless except for eyes, mouth, teeth, and sometimes small amounts of hair on top of their heads. Their limbs are thin and disproportionate to their body mass. Their arms are often half the length of their bodies while their legs are a fraction of their body length. All observed Minions have 3 finger like appendages on each hand with no discernible joints or palm structures. In some instances, Minions are observed to posses a buttocks. Minions most likely posses anuses due to several being observed to fart. This anus is most likely located at the root of the buttocks and roughly the size of a small child’s such as in human anatomy. Minion genitalia is never shown in lore but assuming the above standards for mass and height, the average Minion penis is around 2-4 inches from the base. Since Minions are not known to reproduce sexually, it is unknown if they posses internal sex organs for reproductive purpose such as the ovarian system or testes. Genitalia that are present are assumed to be for waste management until further evidence is acquired. It is unknown if human-like foreskin or a pronounced labia occurs in Minions. No Minions have been observed to have breasts although this coincides with the theory that they do not sexually reproduce or rear young in the same way humans do. Further knowledge of Minion gestation is unknown. Minions are smooth to the touch and most of their body can by used for stimulation.

Minions are unable to communicate using common languages but instead have developed a phonic language of their own known as “Minionese” which occasionally uses words or even phrases from common human languages. Upon contacting a Minion, it is recommended to use gestures and non-verbal methods of communication in order to facilitate intercourse. Exposing your own genitals to a Minion and gesturing in its direction might help. Minions, although hyperactive and noisy creatures, can also become docile and subdued under the correct circumstances. It is recommended to calm a Minion down by means of coercion in order to make sex less difficult.

Minions tend to favor wearing the same style of clothing. A small pair of overall jeans cover their groin and pelvic areas. Shoes and gloves are typically worn on every appendage. Finally, some Minions are typically observed wearing goggles.

Instructions:

It is recommended to remove the clothing from a Minion. As long as the steps above have been met in terms of emotionally subduing a Minion, this step should be easy. Minions are naturally submissive and will follow command. Observe the Minions genitals and choose an orifice to penetrate. It is unknown if Minions can self-lubricate their sex organs so external lubrication may be required. If aroused, the Minions penis may become enlarged and erect. You can stimulate the Minions penis with your hands or mouth. Once you are erect, penetrate the Minions small, tight anus with your penis. From experimental accounts, the inside of a Minions anus is soft and warm, much like that of a humans. At this point the Minion will show signs of pleasure from repeated penetration. Keep in mind that due to its small size, a Minions anus is much smaller than that of an adult human. Using both hands, manipulating the Minion up and down your penis is easy and optimal for deeper penetration. The Minion has been observed to possess the ability to orgasm much like humans in which case it’s anus or vagina will constrict. This can be very pleasurable. After ejaculating into the Minions anus, you can using their rather large mouths to perform felatio on yourself. Their mouths are large enough to accommodate all of the human male genitals including the testes. Given the anatomy of their esophagus, Minions are able to accept a humans penis deep within their throat. In one scene from the first Despicable Me movie, a Minion is shown in the vacuum of space with no source of breathable air. It is not necessary for minions to breath, thus facilitating extended periods of deep throating. For this reason however, Minions are not easily choked or strangled during sex. Minions have been observed to prefer the taste of human semen and will eagerly consume any amount of semen given to them. Minions can also be used by multiple men at the same time. The combined strength of a few adult men can all hold a Minion in virtually any pose they desire, very great lengths of time. One man can can fill the Minions tight asshole with his cock while another uses the Minions mouth and tongue to pleasure his own perineum. Multiple other men could use the Minions hands to masturbate themselves or suck on the Minions penis. A Minions asshole can gape open much like a humans after rigorous anal penetration. Dumping multiple loads of semen into a Minions gaping ass hole is also possible. Pleasuring a Minion can be rewarding and fun.