I loved Pokemon Emerald.

  I once had the fortune of capturing a Wailmer in Sootopolis and named her Oprah. I trained it and once she hit level 40, she evolved into a Wailord. I taught her Surf and used her to beat the crap out of Tate and Liza’s Solrock and Lunatone. I was like “well cool” and I had no idea what to do next. My travels took me all over Hoenn, and I eventually found myself on the outskirts of Rustboro. While I was running around, rematching trainers and whatnot, I ran into a Skitty. Having never caught a Skitty before, I decided to catch him, and I did, and I named him Levin. Then I placed them both into the day care and ran around. Oprah the Wailord I put inside because I wanted to give her a few levels, Levin I placed inside because I was like “what the hell, you can put two in anyway, I’ll give him a few more levels I suppose.”

 I ran around nonstop for an hour and I came back. The old man outside tells me that Oprah had laid an egg, and that she and Levin were getting along quite well. Mortified, I had no choice but to take it. Listlessly, I wandered around, having no idea what to do with this information. Unlike the blissfully unaware old man, I knew what had happened. I knew what went on between Levin and Oprah.

 Suddenly, as I was zooming along on my Mach Bike on the eastern side of Mauville, my game froze. I let out a quick curse. The damn thing’s cut out again, I thought. But then the screen went black. A green halo appeared in the center. On it was their egg, the seed of their union. I had no idea what to expect. What would it be? Some horrible hybrid of feline and cetacean? One crack appeared. Then two. Then more. Then out of the egg emerged a Wailmer, so pure and so vulnerable, its childlike cry devoid of any reserve or discretion. Uncontrollable tears flowed from my eyes as I realized that Levin and Oprah were now bound together by a force I had never, and will never, fully understand. Hands trembling, I deposited the fruit of their love in the PC, went back to the Day Care and received yet another egg. And I finally understood that, even though I will never understand what happened, something infinitely wonderful and magical, something that I had the duty to protect forever. 

 Thus ends my tale. The tale of two unlikely lovers: Levin the Skitty, and Oprah the Wailord. In my mind, I can still see their first child, burbling and laughing with their parents. Then the scene cuts out to those fateful encounters, my first meeting with Levin, my first with Oprah, then to the one I did not have the fortune of seeing, that when Levin and Oprah first set eyes with each other. Did they know the wonderful things that would take place within the gates of that old house just outside Mauville? Or did they gradually learn their fate, step by step, just as one learns to walk? My questions are cut short by one last image, that of Levin and Oprah, her ample body resting on the grass, Levin standing over her, squirting load after load of his white Skitty cum all over that Wailord’s round belly. 

 I love Pokemon Emerald.