met this guy once who was a really bad person. He lied constantly and was always trying to fuck other people over. He used to steal from people and rip them off. He would beat up homeless people and kick animals. He was also a serial killer rapist who burned orphanages for fun. I asked him why he did all these things and he just sneered at me and said because he was a bad guy and liked doing it because that’s what bad guys do. I just cracked a smile, reached into my coat pocket, whipped out my Grateful Dead metal canister signed by Terence McKenna and pulled out a single white square. I held it between my finger and my thumb out in front of my face with a big smile. This wasn’t like any other white squares. This had a little something on it I like to call liquid enlightenment. Yes you know what it was. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, L, Liquid Sunshine, Angel Tears, Acid, L-S-D, Lysergic acid diethylamide. I asked him to hold out his hand and I placed the tab in it. I told him to put it in his mouth to see the world from an entirely new perspective. He examined it for a second and then looked back up to tell me to fuck off, but I had already disappeared into the night. Later he ended taking it just to see what would happen. And immediately he realized that everything he had ever done was wrong and wanted to become the best person ever who spread love and joy into the world. He turned himself in the next day to atone for his crimes and was sentenced to 50 years in prison. Every day in jail he did his duty with a smile on his face and a skip in his step until he was stabbed in the throat by some guy who had never taken LSD. I wept for him, because I knew that his soul had been changed and was full of good.

And that guys name? Albert Einstein.