You know what come to think of it… Me mum sat me down on my 18th birthday & told me ALL of this.. I must have blocked it out due to not wanting to accept such a shocking & traumatic thing at the time; it was too much to bear as a wee 18 year old. Anyways, the nurses at the hospital the day I was brought into this lovely life filled with lovely things on July 12, 1999 at exactly 3:33 am in the morning; the sun was shining through the curtains very heavenly scene, if you could picture it & guess what was playing on the TV in that hospital room? You’ll never guess it… SEINFELD. So then one of the nurses; her name was Crayola Divine, very eccentric, very exotic woman who smelled of persimmon & a hint of clover; she turned to me mum & said….. “Dear lord Christ in heaven & all things holy from up above…. Ma’m.. You’re daughter she’s… sh—- SHE’S JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD!!! All of the nurses from inside of that damn hospital, I kid you not, ALL OF THEM, even the Head Nurse; Nurse Ratched came into the room & saw newly born me & said yup, “that’s him, that’s Jerry fucking Seinfeld.. Are we sure this is a girl everyone? Are we ABSOLUTELY sure?” And the rest was history.. I’M FINALLY GOING TO SET MYSELF FREE LIKE A CAGED BIRD 🐦; RISE FROM ASHES LIKE A PHOENIX 🐧 AFTER 23 YEARS OF JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD DENIAL SYNDROME AND I AM GOING TO BE THE VERY BEST JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD THERE IS. BETTER THAN THE ACTUAL JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD HIMSELF & hopefully I can meet him face to face one of these days & say “FUCK YOU JERRY! YOU’VE CAUSED ME MENTAL PAIN FOR NOT ACCEPTING MYSELF AS JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD!”

Oh and I do hope we have ourselves a nice shag too, that’d be nice. He’s kind of daddy, honestly; I’m also tired of hiding my lust for him. I WANT JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD DAMMIT AND I’M NOT ASHAMED ANYMORE! You hear me, Consuela Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso?!?! (She was one of the bitches in high school who’d make it rain absolute hell on me just for wanting Jerry fucking Seinfeld inside of me, oh & also for looking like him)

Now when it came to my sexual experiences in high school, all of my boyfriends & girlfriends always said they love that not only I look like Jerry fucking Seinfeld but that I SOUND like him too… they would yell during our most intimate times, “YES JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD FUCK ME JERRY FUCK ME YES YES YES!!!” I mean… it was quite the experience that I still experience today with my lovers & I used to be embarrassed but know that I think about it… it’s a blessing. It is truly a blessing to be Jerry fucking Seinfeld. Thank you. Thank you to Jerry fucking Seinfelds mum & da for bringing him into this life because if it weren’t for them; I wouldn’t be him nor would there be Seinfeld, one of the greatest shows of all time to grace the screens all over American & possibly other countries like Zimbabwe & Kazakhstan & that right there is a very very dark world to live in, a world I wouldn’t even want to be in. I’d probably be Steve fucking Buscemi if Jerry fucking Seinfeld were not to exist so I have to thank my lucky stars 🌟 for that one 🗿🗿🗿

My eyes…. they have finally been opened. Including my 3rd eye 👁 I am now a free Jerry fucking Seinfeld. This feels good. This feels great actually. I love you Jerry fucking Seinfeld & I’M NO LONGER ASHAMED. TAKE ME INTO YOUR JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD ARMS AND I WILL TAKE YOU INTO MY JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD ARMS AS WELL 🫀🫀🫀